My Sensation: Funny

Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Customer Relation

Thursday, March 5, 2009

An award should go to the Virgin Atlantic Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin Atlantic flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single female attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help to identify him , please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "FUCK YOU!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said - "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

Cost Cutting

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

2009 is a tough year !

I received an email saying that 2009 is a critical year for global economy. Therefore, here are some new ideas for you as an EMPLOYER to cut cost. i.e the new cubicle in the office !!!! *laugh*

Effective 01 Jan 2009

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
(1) You are advised to come to work dresses according to your salary.
(2) If we see your wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
(3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
(4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement in necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minutes time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
(1) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
(2) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
(3) Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

***This is real funny, not sure if the 'kiam siap' employer will implement the above listed. Hahaha..

Again, 2009 is a tough year, we have to work hard, it's Ox year !!!